Hiya! I'm Stephanie, 25, and this is all about my life as a foster sister.

Find me on Twitter: @FosterSisterBlg

Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Keegan And Ayeeshia: Why Aren't They Bigger News?

Back in 2007 the Nation was left heartbroken when the tragic death of 17-month-old Peter, otherwise known as Baby P, became headline news.

The innocent tot had suffered tremendously in his short life as he was physically abused and mistreated by his mother, Tracey Connelly, and her boyfriend, Steven Barker, with it later transpiring that the family had been known to social services and that social workers were aware that Peter was at risk yet did not remove him from the home.



When Peter died, it was found that he'd been suffering from a broken back and a broken ribs for days, if not weeks, before his sad death.

Understandably, this horrific case lead to an overview of social services, particularly in the London borough of Haringey, North London, where baby Peter lived - in fact, the issues that this case raised even made it to parliament.

Since then, there haven't been any other cases in the UK that have been as high-profile as Baby P, but why? Because the sad reality is that the mistakes made by social services, and the tragic deaths of innocent babies and children as a result, are far from extinct.



In fact, in the last couple of months alone there have been two cases that have turned my stomach and made my blood run cold and although they have made it to the National papers there hasn't been anywhere near the same amount of outcry and call for change as there was back in 2007, and I'm here to ask why.

Last month Kathryn Smith was found guilty of murdering her 21-month-old daughter Ayeeshia.

Ayeeshia's injuries were harrowing to say the least, with a judge suggesting that the baby's chest had been stamped on when she died in 2014. The little girl was heard begging her mum to "stop" by concerned neighbours and was covered in cuts and bruises that suggested that she was suffering at the hands of her mother for months.



The entire story is devastating, but what makes it all the more worrying is that Ayeeshia was known to social services and had previously been removed from her mother and placed in foster care, with social workers returning her to Kathryn just six months before she died.

In fact, just three weeks before she was murdered by her mother, Derbyshire social services had discussed taking Ayeeshia - not even two years old - back into care again.

So why didn't they? And why is more not being done to find out why these social workers left a vulnerable baby in such a dangerous environment? Where is the outrage that baby Peter, quite rightly, evoked?



Today Kandyce Downer was sentenced to a minimum of eighteen years in prison after being found guilty of murdering an eighteen-month-old girl, Keegan, last September.

Kandyce was made Keegan's legal guardian after she was removed from her birth mother shortly after birth and placed into foster care.

Detectives have said that Kandyce started brutally abusing the little girl three months before she died, with the tot dying from a combination of head injuries, blunt trauma to the chest, and septicemia.



Keegan had more than 200 external and internal injuries, including broken ribs and an untreated spinal leg fracture which would have left her in agony.

Let me say this again; she was just eighteen months old.

The NSPCC are calling for an investigation into why Birmingham's social services granted a Special Guardianship Order to Kandyce for Keegan, with the order meaning that the government would have been paying Kandyce to look after Keegan during this time.

But I ask again, why is this not bigger news? Why are the NSPCC calling for an investigation? Shouldn't one already be underway?



With Peter, the social workers responsible for leaving him in the care of his mother were named, shamed, and plastered over every newspaper in the country and I am not suggesting that this is the right thing to do but I can't help but wonder why nobody seems to care about the children who are being let down by social workers anymore.

When did we as a nation turn our back on the most vulnerable children in the country? Do we not have enough empathy to care about Peter as well as Ayeeshia and Keegan? And all of the other children who have tragically met a similar fate in this country?

It is always tragic and horrific and devastating when an innocent child is treated so inhumanely but it becomes even more difficult to comprehend when these children were known by social services and social workers sent them to their deaths.



These deaths can't just be a "blip" or a "statistic" that the social workers responsible "learn from"; these people have the most important job in the world and the fact that tragic incidents like this are happening more and more often suggests to me that there is a bigger issue that must be addressed.

Does the UK need to toughen up their recruitment process? Perhaps have stricter guidelines on what social workers should be doing? Does social services need more money invested in them by the government so that resources and people aren't stretched to the point that children get overlooked and, consequently, murdered?

Unfortunately, I don't have the answers. But I do have the questions; questions that I am amazed people haven't been forced to answer yet.



How many more children are going to be let down by the system and then get swept under the rug? Ayeeshia was placed in foster care, she was loved and cared for and treated well and then returned to her mother where she was abused and tortured to death.

On the decision of a social worker.

Keegan was removed from her mother, she had no choice about where she was placed. A baby too young to comprehend why she was being hurt, why the people who should look after her were instead abusing and tormenting her.

And she was placed there by a social worker.

When will enough be enough? And when will the nation start caring about vulnerable children with the same passion as they did in 2007? Something needs to be done before even more children die at the hands of those who should be protecting them.

Sunday, 3 April 2016

will.i.am Reveals Plans To 'Angelina Jolie It' And Adopt

The Voice UK judge and musical innovator will.i.am has hinted at plans to adopt children in the future.

But he has obviously gone about making the revelation in his own, brilliant, 'will.i.am' fashion.

....Which basically means that nobody really has a clue what he's actually talking about...



The star opened up about his future in a candid interview with The Telegraph magazine and admitted that although he is single at the moment, he will consider 'Angelina Jolie-ing it' when the time is right with or without a partner.

When asked whether he had any plans to start a family, the kooky 41-year-old replied: "What do you mean by family? DNA swapping or do you mean encouragement, moral installing, and opportunity providing?

"To me, that is just as much family as DNA swapping because I am a product of a DNA swap and I don't know who my dad is.



"There are a whole lot of babies that ain't got no parents. I am not quite ready to Angelina Jolie it yet, but I have kids that I have adopted in a roundabout way."

Will did not give any more info on being a father figure in young people's lives at the moment, but I'm willing to bet that if he does choose to officially adopt in the future he will make one fantastic - and slightly cray-cray - dad.

Any child would be lucky to have him.

Friday, 26 February 2016

Frequently Asked Questions:

Of course it's understandable that being part of a foster family comes with its fair share of questions, questions that I am always more than happy to answer.

In fact, if you get me started on a topic about fostering then I'll probably go on forever, just FYI.



However, to save time here are some of the most frequently asked ones that will hopefully help you understand foster life a little bit:

1. How long does each child stay with you?

It really does vary. We are technically short-term foster carers and have had placements for as short as two days and for as long as two years. Each situation is different.

2. OMG he/she is SO CUTE can I post a photo of him/her on Facebook/ Insta/ Twitter?

Nope, sorry.

Our number one job as foster carers is to protect our little ones and even though we know they are the most adorable and hilarious bundles of joy to ever grace the planet we're not allowed to share their personal info - including their face - with the world.

Which is definitely a good thing as otherwise I'd be one of those annoying people who clog up your timelines with baby pics.



That doesn't mean that I won't occasionally go all Myleene-Klass on you and post the odd pic of teeny tiny baby toes or the back of their head or a bit of their shoulder but you will never, ever see their gorgeous little faces on social media.

And just so you know, if I did share that video of our eighteen-month-old perfectly copying Beyonce's Single Ladies dance a few years back she would definitely have been a YouTube sensation by now...

3. How on EARTH do you say goodbye to them?

It's hard. In fact, it's the most difficult thing we could ever do and there is always a tinge of sadness that these little people won't be in our lives forever and one day we will have to say goodbye and simply hope with all of our being that we will see them again.



There hasn't been one goodbye where I haven't bawled my eyes out and I'm not ashamed to say it, while these children are in our home we love, cherish, and adore them as though they are their own so when they do leave us for their new lives it is absolutely heartbreaking.

Every time we wonder if we could possibly put ourselves through that pain again, but the thing that gets us through is knowing that they are off to a better life and we did everything that we could for them while they were with us.

In the words of Mark Wright (albeit not about fostering) they're not here for a long time, they're here for a good time - and I like to think that 'good' is a bit of an understatement.

4. Do you see the children once they move on?

Unfortunately this isn't up to us, it's entirely up to their new carers. Whether they are adopted, go back to their birth family or move into long-term care we can never say for sure that we will see them again.



We have had adoptive parents promise with all their being that we will remain in their lives only to be cut out, likewise we have had adoptive parents promise the same and graciously invite us along to birthday parties and give us a phone call on Christmas Day.

And let me tell you, there aren't enough words in the world to explain just how much gestures like that mean to us.

5. If you do still see them, who do they think you are?

It depends on what their carer has told them, some keep it vague and others are beautifully honest and tell them, 'Hey, you lived with these guys before we found you and they love you more than anything'. The thing people tend to forget is that kids are very understanding and don't really question anything so long as you are honest.



Every time it is arranged for us to see one of our old foster babies I can't tell you how excited I get. Genuinely more excited than that time I was headed off to interview One Direction, and that was pretty up there.

In short, whether we have seen them since they left our care or not, I will always, always love the children we have cared for, I'll always be there for them, and I'll do absolutely anything for them. Today, next week, in thirty years time - it will never change.

6. Is it worth the heartache?

In a word, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Although a lot of pain and heartache comes at the end of each placement the joy that the children give us is second to none and the memories are priceless.

I feel privileged and yes, maybe even #Blessed, to have any opportunity to play a part in their lives - be it for a day or an hour.

Whether the children remember me as the girl who made them a jam sandwich on an elephant plate the day they were removed from their home, their best friend who built dens and made cakes with them, the silly lady who would sing and dance and do anything to make them laugh or if they don't remember me at all, every second is always priceless to me.



In fact, sometimes I find it near-impossible to believe that I was ever lucky enough to be the one to tuck these boys and girls in at night and play with them every day and cuddle them and teach them and nurture them. How could you argue that all of that privilege and joy isn't worth it?

I'm a grown woman, it's not about me or the pain that I feel when they leave. It's about them, and it always will be.

7. The facts?

We have been fostering for six years and have had 22 foster children live with us, the youngest came to us at six days old and the oldest at sixteen years old.

Well, I think that's it for now... Until next time,

Stephanie x

Thursday, 21 January 2016

Khloe Kardashian Wants To 'Adopt And Foster Kids'

As a celebrity journalist, I have to admit that I bloomin' love the Kardashians - it's kind of an occupational hazard.

However, I didn't ever think that I'd get the opportunity to write about them on this blog, I mean, I had prepared to write a lot about Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie, and Madonna who have all rather famously adopted their children, but I am excited to see that fostering and adoption is now something that somebody as culturally relevant as Khloe Kardashian is talking about.


On her new talk show 'Kocktails With Khloe', which aired last night, Khloe made the surprising revelation that she and her ex-husband, Lamar Odom, had planned to open their home up to children in need.

The 31-year-old explained: "Lamar and I, we wanted to conceive, but we also wanted to adopt but also foster kids."

And it isn't just my approval that she got, with her guest Snoop Dogg responding: "You know, that's dope. That's dope."

A man of few words, but you get the jist.


Khloe's half-sister, Kendall Jenner, supported her sister's venture as she told the crowd: "She's [Khloe] really, really good with kids.

"When I was a kid she was like my second mum. My mum would leave and go to lunch every day because she knew Khloe would be there."

And, as everybody knows, that's pretty much all children need - and if Khloe goes on to foster children in the future then I'm sure she'll be absolutely amazing at it.